Getting Back...

Dang! I only had one post for ALL of last year? And that wasn't even meant for my blog! I originally posted that on Facebook and thought, "This would be great for my blog," so I posted it. But, jeez! How slack I have been about this! Only ONE post! Oh well. It's 2010. Time to catch up.

I'm almost done with school by the way. The last class I'm taking is about fiber optic technology. It's pretty cool so far. I got to make a cable and take it with me. I also passed the mid-term exam, which was the last mid-term exam I will ever have to take! Can you say "w00t!" children? Don't get me wrong, though. This is a hard class. I actually had to study for that mid-term, and I got an 83. In retrospect, we as a class really should've taken Master Chief up on that offer to go over the chapters we needed to know for the test...

I'm going to Florida for the first time this weekend! I'm in the Portuguese language group in my congregation, and the Portuguese circuit has a Special Assembly Day in Fort Lauderdale, FL. My friend Kaitlin (who's been doing this forever, tee hee!) says that this is good timing for me because it's only one day, and I wouldn't want to overwhelm myself at my first assembly/convention. Yeah, I'm not gonna argue with that. You know, sometimes I think back to when the announcement was first made that there was going to be a Portuguese group established in our congregation. I turned in my application for it...and didn't get in. That hurt me. Really. Part of my personality likes a challenge, but that wasn't my entire motivation. I wanted to do something I had never done before, and I wanted to do it for Jehovah. That was the first actual leap of faith I took in my life! I was anxious those days that passed by and I didn't get a call or anything. I really doubted whether Jehovah wanted to use me like I had been told throughout my childhood so many times. I wasn't sure what I could do about it at all, so I begrudgingly left the group alone for two years. (after a 2 min pause to reflect) Besides, I had my own problems, and there was no way I would've been able to balance that with what I had to deal with outside of the Kingdom Hall. The big change didn't really happen for me until last year.

One of my responsibilities was holding the microphones during the meeting, and the brothers in charge of the sound department let me go. I had a low monthly average of hours out in service, so I was encouraged to increase those with the goal of resuming my privilege. Summer was coming up, and I know how I am about heat. I had to go out in service earlier if I wanted to get my hours up and keep them consistent. I talked to another friend of mine who went out early and arranged to go out with her. That early Saturday morning, I worked with her, Lauren, and the aforementioned Kaitlin. It was mainly street witnessing, which I had done before and wasn't a major shock to me. This went on for a couple of weeks, but I gradually started to feel left out within the group. Everyone but me was involved with the Portuguese group! Well, that was the obvious fact, and I knew that already. I just didn't think it would be a problem or anything. In any case, I did no speaking when we sought out Brazilians and other Portuguese-speaking people. This got to me because in addition to being the only dude in the car, I was the only one that didn't speak Portuguese. So, initially due to my eternal quest to belong, I eventually decided to learn Portuguese, but I refused any notion to join the group. Yeah, I know. "What sense does that make?" It didn't make any sense, but I didn't want to join a group that, in my mind, rejected me in the first place. I decided the best way to learn the basics was obvious: Rosetta Stone. I studied on a rigorous schedule, and I finished the whole Portuguese-language program in three months. However, throughout the first month, I thought about how much sense it made for me to learn this language for the ministry and not apply my skills in a better way? Or even the best way? I finally decided that I would eventually join the Portuguese group when I finished the program. I was really going at a steady pace, so I was actually able to say that--"when I finished the program." Hey, Kaitlin told me that the group needed more brothers, so it was perfect! In the meantime, I started going to the back for the Portuguese meetings. I didn't comment or say a word in Portuguese; I planned to surprise everyone when I finished RS. And when I did finish the program and gave my first comment in Portuguese...! Oh, MAN! I was sitting in the back, and EVERYBODY turned around just to see that I wasn't Brazilian! Even Kaitlin's jaw dropped! (No lie; she told me that.) That Saturday after the Public Talk/Watchtower Study, I approached Bro. Dossantos with my wish to join the Portuguese Theocratic Ministry School, and I told him in Portuguese, too! Now, some months later, I'm going to my first Special Assembly Day in the Portuguese Circuit. Look out for pics on Facebook about this!

I really wish I started with the Portuguese group sooner. I mean, I know I wasn't accepted to formally take the Portuguese class offered by the organization, but I had chances! Not to mention, I had my own territory! Going to Goose Creek HS, I encountered many Portuguese-speaking students, and of course, I, nudged by my eternal quest to belong, wanted to talk to them and see how they were doing. Now that I am where I am with this, I really wish I started earlier, like waaaaaaaay earlier. I could've done so much more and been so much better, and I passed it all up over a grudge--over a STUPID grudge!! Some lessons are best learned the hard way, I guess. Heck, if I am where I am after about seven months, imagine where I would be after two years! Not a Saturday goes by where I don't kick myself after considering this fact. Nothing like wasted time, the one thing that can't be recycled...

And the beat goes on...

B

Probably the Deepest Self-Examination I've Ever Made

Last night, I was doing the Watchtower lesson for today's meeting. The article was about spiritual maturity and how a person can progress toward it. As I read and highlighted the answers to the questions, I thought about what exactly the article was saying. The article was saying that a spiritually mature person partakes of the word of God, his Bible, and applies it principles in every aspect of his life. Such application results in a willingness to obey His commandments and the advice of his "faithful and discreet slave." In my mind, I was thinking, "Am I still a babe, or can I honestly call myself spiritually mature?" Thinking about the answer to this question just gave me another question: Who am I?

Who am I? I don't know exactly. Well, let's see what's true. Legally, I'm Daniel Matthew Sutton, firstborn son of Shavonne Sutton-Turner and Victor Rezabala's second son, born February 22, 1991, in Jersey City, NJ. Biologically, I'm a male of the human species. I'm 5' 6" tall and weigh around 137 lbs. Scholastically, I am an alumnus of Goose Creek High School, graduated a year early in the top 5 of the class of 2008, and had a GPA of 4.51. I'm currently a student of ECPI College of Technology, pursuing my A.A.S. Degree in Electronics Engineering. Spiritually, I am one if Jehovah's Witnesses. I was raised as such, and I was baptized on June 25, 2005, in Columbia, SC, when I was 14. Okay, all of the above is true, but is that all that can be attached to my name--cold, hard facts?

Despite legally being an adult, I guess I can say I'm still pretty impressionable, but is that really a bad thing? I guess it depends. I do tend to take certain habits and behaviors from different people. My varied taste in music reflects this perfectly. Maybe I do this because I want to imitate the apostle Paul in 'becoming all things to people of all sorts.' (1 Corinthians 9:22) However, Paul did that so he could find common ground with potential servants of God. Why do I do it outside of that reason? Is it because I want to belong? Do I want everyone to like me? Should everyone like me? Would pursuing that be wise? If I know not everyone I meet will like me, why do I try so hard? Am I blind in my pursuit to belong? Have I belonged all along and never realized it? Or maybe I have realized it and simply kept trying. Despite my tendency to be a loner, I do not wish it upon myself to be such. Wow, now I know for sure I'm not ready for any relationship. Right now, I can't emotionally handle being by myself, and I won't be ready until I can handle it. I guess my being 'all things to people of all sorts' is fine as long as I wish to associate with good, wholesome people who have the same values and ideals as I do. If that's true, then I can be as impressionable as I want to be because I'll be around good people, and according to Proverbs 13:20, "He that is walking with wise persons will become wise."

If I was to take away what I have absorbed from others, what is there left? Is there anything original? Anything unique? Is there anything I do of my own accord of which people say, "That's only something Daniel would do."? Trying to answer these questions would take a long time. I'd have to mentally strip myself of all that I've picked up from others over 18 years, and that would involve classifying what parts of me I've picked up from others and what parts of me I've developed because of experience. There is one thing I've developed from experience. Due to refusing to let my biological father's absence in my life get to me, I've developed a sense of nonchalance about a lot of things, and that led to somewhat of a coldness toward people. I thought that if don't let people get too close, I won't get hurt again.

Wow, I did let him get to me.

For someone who doesn't want to be feel lonely, I've really set myself up for that. I'm working on that, but I won't be done until I've forgiven him. Well, have I forgiven him?

I'll keep you posted.

Now that I think about it, I think I'll keep what I've picked up from others. It's served me well so far, so maybe I picked them up in an attempt to cover over the cold, resentful person I don't want to be on the inside. However, that's all that it is, a cover-up. I won't be the person I want to be until that part of me is gone, but when that part is gone, what's left? All that will be left is what I have picked up from others. Maybe it's those parts from others that I've picked up that contribute to who I am. I guess I don't want to be absolutely unique in the sense that I reflect who I really am deep inside. I'll settle for being relatively unique in the sense that I reflect a unique combination of traits that no one else has. I have these traits because I liked the people they came from, and I wouldn't like them if they weren't good people. After all of this, I'd like to think of myself as a good person. However, I only want to be a good person to only one, and that's Jehovah. It's the least I can do for all that he's done for me, my family, and all of his servants.

So, who am I? I still don't know exactly, but I'm going to have fun finding out.

Faith in the One Who Deserves It

In today’s society, the government is in place to serve us, the people. In a democracy, the people choose to give these offices to the men and women they believe will work the hardest to fulfill their promises to them. This means that the people must have faith in the candidates—the men and women desiring these offices. However, what have these people done to deserve our faith? Can we really trust that the candidates have our best interests at heart? It is for this reason that some people, including me, feel apathy when it comes to voting. The rest of the reason why I choose not to vote is this: why put my faith in imperfect human beings who make mistakes just like I do when I could put my faith in the creator of life itself? I am not the only one who believes this. As Jehovah’s Witnesses, we are united in belief worldwide. History shows that humans have not been able to govern themselves effectively, so I put my faith where it belongs, with God.

Here's an illustration of my point: In a rather upscale neighborhood, there is a large apartment building. On the outside, it looks beautiful, but the inside tells a different story. The paint is chipped, the plumbing is terrible, and the insulation is terrible. The numerous tenants see the bunch of problems the building has, but they have faith that the landlord will fix these problems. Over the 30 years that the building has been open, there have been 15 landlords, and the building is no better than it was when he first started. Some problems are fixed, but those fixes are quick and, therefore, very temporary. In addition, most of the other problems still exist in the building. Hence, some tenants move out, but the vast majority of them continue to put faith in the same kind of people that make the same promises and cannot follow through with them every time. This situation is much like what world citizens experience with the government they live under. No matter what country, politicians always make the same promises, and when the time comes for them to deliver, something of greater importance gets in the way. This situation is much like how the government is to its people. As much as we want to believe that it will solve all of our problems, we always hear that little voice in the back of our head that says, “Does it really matter who I vote for? We will only be in the same predicament four years from now.” Unfortunately, history does not plead a good case for world leaders.

Ever since the very first government created by humans, leaders have tried to act in the best interests of its citizens. However, these efforts always produce unfavorable results. For example, Franklin D. Roosevelt’s New Deal gave new life to society during the Great Depression and helped them work its way out of it. However, there is one group the New Deal affected negatively, and not a lot of people know about this. According to Jim Powell, as cited by Damon W. Root, “states with a higher percentage of black residents…received fewer New Deal dollars than the richer, whiter states.” Powell also explains how “to meet the inflated payrolls required by New Deal minimum wage codes, employers eliminated…the sort of jobs filled by African Americans and other disadvantaged groups.” While this was definitely wrong in his moral eyes, especially to his wife Eleanor, Roosevelt “was not about to risk losing either his New Deal or World War II by alienating Southern supporters or moving too far ahead of public opinion” (“Bad Deal: How FDR made live worse for African Americans”). Even the best of efforts could not completely remedy a troubled society.

The Bible says at Jeremiah 10:23, “I well know, O Jehovah, that to earthling man his way does not belong. It does not belong to man who is walking even to direct his step.” One cannot look at historical events and not see the truth in this statement. Every human government has failed to solve all of mankind’s problems. As a result, people accept the fact that not all of our problems will be solved but that we must try as hard as we can to solve most of them. Most people remember this quote from Jerry Garcia: “Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.” I do not want to choose evil every time I vote in an election. Instead, I choose to follow the advice at Proverbs 3:5-7: “Trust in Jehovah with all your heart and do not lean upon your own understanding. In all your ways take notice of him, and he himself will make your paths straight. Do not become wise in your own eyes. Fear Jehovah and turn away from bad” (New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures).

I know that human government will never be able to remedy all of the world’s problems, so I do not put my faith in something that does not deserve it. Does that not make sense? Would a son believe his father’s promises only to be disappointed by him every time? I know that I would not. Therefore, I do not believe in any human government in this world, and will not vote in support of anyone who wishes to become a part of it. I believe in the government that God will set up for the benefit of all mankind. Yes, God’s kingdom will remedy all of the world’s problems, and as long as I live on this earth, I will continue to out my faith in God. He is the one who has truly deserved it.

Awakened by Darkness

I remember this time my family moved for the second time in three months. I remember it vividly because I had never been to that part of Goose Creek before. It was late at night when I went on my first unloading trip to the house. I was tired, but I remember it well.

It began with the normal drive down Redbank Rd toward the Naval Base, but when the trip called for a left turn onto what I think is now Henry E. Brown Jr. Pkwy, I woke up from my slumber in my dad's truck and scanned what I could in the night. The road allowed no light to illuminate it; the pavement seemed to be winning against the headlights. The forest seemed to ward off any other travelers. It felt like the night chose this particular road for our travels that night. All I could see were the drainage ditches on the side of the road. The light seemed to jump from the headlights, not touch the road at all, and fall into the ditches. My window was open, and the wind eerily whistled in my ear, but my hair protected my scalp from its bite. I looked at the sky through the windshield. Either blemishes on the glass got in the stars' way or the moon had barred them from inhabiting the sky that night. All I saw was the moon as the truck rumbled on.

At the intersection at the end, another left turn was taken. My first glance eased my worry. In the distance, the traffic light offered some relief in the darkness. It was red when the road angled. I looked around and saw more trees. The road widened out and gave more separation between the forest and me. I was a little glad for the road's help. The forest was no longer hidden behind its friend Darkness. Upon reaching the traffic light, it gave us a green light. To me, it was more like a thumbs-up telling me that I was going to be all right. We passed the light and Darkness overtook us once again. This time, I was not afraid. I had seen hope in the form of an urban nuisance. My enemy was no longer hidden from my awareness. The road went on, and I faintly saw house watch with their transparent eyes the truck pass them. To my relief, they were in limited company with the forest. Furthermore, their increasing presence was a sign of only one thing: civilization.

I would travel down Liberty Hall Rd several times that night, and my body would punish me the next day. Fortunately, my tormentors in darkness were a lot friendlier in the presence of Light. However, I knew I would be traveling down a dark road again with no expectation of returning. After that move, I only really wondered about one thing. Would Darkness awaken me again that next time?

And the beat goes on...

B

Kickin' It Old School

I don't understand music these days, especially pop music. I know I'm not the only one that thinks this. It seems like pop music generally has the same vibe no matter who the artist is. It's the same rhythm, the same tempo, the same messages, nothing much is different. There are basically five types of pop singers:

the chill instrumentalist

the misunderstood rebel

the hot vixen/chiseled and/or dreamy-eyed heartthrob

the TV teen star(s)-turned singer(s)

the foreign import (which I don't mind as much as the rest)

It's not that I don't like the music. It's the monotony I don't like. That especially goes for rap music today. I don't want to hear about who you want to beat up or which chick you want to "pop bottles" with all the time. It's like these artists sample from the same people's or each other's music. Every time I hear a new rap song, I always say to myself, "I swear I heard that beat on someone else's single." I guess because of the monotony I've learned to like different genres of music.

Not even I understand how I like so many types of music! Some of the genres a lot of my friends don't know much about like Neo-Soul, underground hip-hop, & electronic. I learned to like jazz because of my grandmother, Neo-Soul because of my dad, underground hip-hop because of Neo-Soul, electronic and trance because of my friend Philip, alternative because of my friend Paul, 80's music because of my mom, and everything else from the radio. There are some songs on the radio that I rarely hear anymore, which is another rule about pop music. The genre of pop comes from the word "popular," so if the majority has moved on, the radio must as well. Unfortunately, in an effort to please everyone, pop music stations end up pleasing no one. Fortunately, that's why there are many other radio stations to listen to, so at least I'm not imprisoned by the monotony!

I miss a lot of songs. I remember when Aaliyah was popular, and she was for good reason, too. She was a good singer, and her songs were good to listen to for all R&B lovers. I miss Boyz II Men's music. They could harmonize well on every song they sang, and they were awesome singing a Capella. It's a shame only adults appreciate their music now. Oh man, Blackstreet was good, too. The music was nice, and the words actually meant something. I am a big fan of New Jack Swing by the way. I used to be in band in middle and high school, so that added to my musical tastes significantly. I learned to appreciate the music itself: the chords, melodies, tempos, everything about it. From this stemmed my loves for jazz, electronic, classical, and alternative. It basically enhanced the love I already had for music.

Music was good back in the day. It actually meant something...

Welcome to the Jungle

Sometimes the police really gets under my skin. I know they are just doing their job, but there are still those hard-nosed pigs that only care about making their quota for the week. This morning, my mother ran into one of those cops today. Before I go into the story, here's the backstory.

When my mom got a new car earlier this summer, her credit rating was less than perfect. She took my aunt to the dealership so the car could be purchased under her name; he credit was acceptable for them. Although the car would be under my aunt's name, my mom would be the one making the payments.

Fast forward to this morning:

I'm getting ready for school at another aunt's house when I look at the clock. The time is 7:25 A.M. My mom is usually here at this time, so I think to myself, "I hope mom gets here soon, or I'll be late." (Class starts at 8 A.M.) The clock ticks, 7:45 A.M. I'm really worried now. Then the phone rings in my grandmother's room. After answering the phone, she calls me in the room. It's my mom on the phone. She tells me that she will call back after she finishes talking to the State Trooper. "Did she say 'State Trooper'?" I think after I hand the phone back to my grandmother. After ten minutes, give or take 5, she calls back. She was stopped my a State Trooper because the plates on the car did not come up as hers. My mom tried to explain why they didn't, but the Trooper's reaction was less than favorable. The pig wrongly accused her of lying and stealing the car, took off the plates, and gave her a ticket, or was it two? Nope, the pig gave my mother THREE tickets!!! He told her that if she was to drive the car without plates, she would be arrested. He also told her that she only had a couple of days to get the right plates. She asked him how she was supposed to do that without a car, and he says, "Figure it out." I'm still fuming, so let me calm down a little...

...trying to chill out...

...still chilling out...not effective...

...making some progress...

...no longer grinding teeth...fine enough to keep going...

I have one thing to say about that little [expletive]: The pig better be glad I was not with her or else I would've had to be arrested for assaulting a police officer! That State Trooper treated my mom like a freakin' criminal! Why would my mother make that up? To top it all off, today is her last day of her live-in case as a Personal Caretaker. She was supposed to go shopping tonight! As if we haven't been thrown enough curveballs already...

If you ask me, I think that cop was just trying to make his quota for this week, so he saw a black woman driving a nice car and automatically thought, "That car looks too nice to be hers. I have three tickets left before I take off for the rest of the week. Maybe if I nab that chick for grand theft auto, I could throw her three tickets in one sitting. The rest of the boys will call me a hero! And the best part: I get the rest of the week off along with another week vacation the boss will give me." Now my mom's gotta go to court with my aunt to face this Cretan and get this thing straightened out. Unfortunately for him, she has Pre-Paid Legal. Get ready, pig. You messed with the wrong family today, and don't expect us to take it easy on you. You reap what you sow, Nimrod!

And the beat goes on...

B